Read this article by Natasha Vargas-Cooper
Mothers Day is tomorrow.
I have two things to say:
I know that there’s a lot of folks who struggle hard with the relationships they have with their mother(s)/parents. And that a child-parent relationship has the potential to be one of the most toxic and destructive things in someone’s life. That sometimes, all you can do is walk away, or run, or hide.
To those people, I want you to know that I empathize with as much of me as I can give. It’s been one of the saddest feelings for me to realize that I don’t have that relationship or security. That there is no where I could ever find that, ever. That someone who was supposed to be a pinnacle of love and life to my existence has failed me so intensely and I can’t negotiate that relationship without losing integral parts of myself.
It’s hard. I know. I’m with you. We’ll be ok.
I know it’s all hallmark crap, and I hate buying into the commercialization and consumer culture of “Holidays”. The corporately dictated appreciation of people for things that we should be celebrating more intently and on our own action, more often… and with out buying stupid crap. But, mom’s love mothers day, and I’m not going to take that from them, not all moms are bad.
I have a deep respect and admiration for all the parental figures who have moved through my life over the years and have held space for me in many small (and some very big) ways. Sometimes, it really is the little things that save us.
Happy Mothers Day to the ones who were there, who are there, who try their hardest and (probably) never get enough in return. To the parents who treat other peoples kids like their own (i’ve been grounded by someones mom before). To the moms who are willing to hold the hand of another persons child and guide them through fear or struggle. To the folks who are parents, no matter where that extra kid came from.
To my friends and their children and their empathy and compassion for me.
My mom might not be the best, not for me, not in this life. But your mom might of saved me at one point, probably saved you many times and you should thank her for that. Can you also tell her that I appreciate what she’s done? Let her know that I recognize the work that she’s put in to help you learn the tools you needed to become a beautiful person.
(sometimes this all leaves me feeling horribly sad)